Or is that green with envy? Green with greedy? Or impatience?
I've got a bad case of the February.
Another snowfall in Kingston today. Facebook full of people jetting off to Cuba and Brazil and Mexico. I may have overdosed on florist blogs from across the pond and further south in the US, where they are using cuttings from their own gardens. I may have clicked on one too many perfect instagram photos of perfect hellebores and ranunculus at perfect flower markets in perfect, glamourous cities.
I've turned into a 33 year old toddler. Everyone else's toys should be MINE, and the toy I've had in my hands, been playing with happily, is suddenly not good enough.
I've been turning an extra-critical eye on every little flaw and unfinished job in my business and my garden and house this week. Not the healthy, kick-in-the pants, constructive criticism that clarifies the next step you need to take. The other kind. The 'why bother, let's just hide under the blankets,' kind.
Rational me knows that I have to make some mistakes, roll with the startup punches, not go on so many tropical yacht vacations just now, put some stuff on the backburner, find my own voice, make some more mistakes, be patient.
Toddler- me just wants it all to be mine. NOW. And while the wishing is good, could I please know everything without having to go through all of that pesky learning and experience. And could it just be June. And could someone please fly me out to the Bahamas and Paris and turn me loose with some kind of triple-diamond-platinum magical Amex... Oh, I assure you, that totally happens in reality. All the time.
Maybe I'll throw a little tantrum in the cereal aisle until someone buys me Cookie Crisp or a lollipop.
Maybe I'll roll up my sleeves, bust out the apron and secateurs, and get back to work.
Anyone else got the blues?
Those blues up there? Muscari armeniucum, aka grape hyachinth. Love that colour. Love how they smell like spring. Love knowing there are more of them out there in the garden, somewhere, under the snow.